The Roar of the Silence

It is amazing how little space one truly has all to themselves.  The more privacy we require the less there seems to be of it and yet we allow the world to crowd us into a corner without a whimper.  Privacy is but a word to some and dream to most who simply wish to have a place of quiet refuge.  When our inner refuge is entered by another it is expected that it be warm and inviting to all without regard to its purpose or sanctity.

When do our needs become superfluous to those in orbits near by and/or why should our expectations be subjugated to anothers' wants?  It is way past time for the mouse to sit up, raising its' finger to the hawk in defiance of the inevitable.  And so I raise my finger to the hawks, I refuse to subjugate any longer, hiding in the shadows avoiding reproach for having a voice.  I matter to me!  Objectivism is real, I will not apologize for my privacy, my space of refuge nor anything contained within.  I will not grovel at the feet of those who seek only my space for there own.  This refuge for my own benefit, the silence expressed between each sound is the scream of rebuke for every bludgeon of chance.

Yesterday is done, today will be enough for today and tomorrow may never arrive.  Speak if you will but your lack of the same will not be taken as a lash.  

Another trip around the sun

Well I made it back from Paradise and it has been a cold hard slap in the face.  Dealing with the same crap at the mine I left and it seems to have become more intense and wide spread.  How does it go, SSDD?  I'm F.I.N.E.!  Thats frustrated, irrate, neurotic and enraged.  I know that there is another translation but this is the one that works for me so deal with it.  Got it!?

I did come back with a different take on life.  Others have commented on a "change" including the spousal unit.  The change is that I now understand what is important to me, I know what being free is and where it comes from.  I know what I want and I get to have some fun too.  That I can put off having dessert and it could be the last time I get a chance to have dessert.  Live each and every day like it is your last.  The only true thing in this world is that none of us are leaving this chunk of dirt alive.  This does not mean that I intend to do wreckless, stupid things.  It does mean that I will live my life on my terms.  I will enjoy my life, build friendships with people I don't know, taste foods I have never heard of, stand on the edge of the cliff and feel small.  I you are catching up with me it is only because I have to backup to take another look at something.

From here on it is just me and the spousal unit.  I love my family but in the end I will not wish I had spent more time at work.  I'm Going Galt!

Bandaids and Bactine

Yesterday was a meat grinder, both mentally and physically.  Doctors who cannot take the time to see one extra patient a day have no problem adding on exams and/or patients to an already full schedule.  Or better yet, a person in a leading position OK'ing an add on exam for an area that they do not work in, have any knowledge of or will be around to deal with because they HAVE to leave on time.  How about a doctor not erring on the side of caution with a child who obviously has a problem.  I am sick of this so called "best healthcare system in the world" BS.  People, we are thirty-seventh in the world!  Can anyone name the thity-six countries ahead of us?  I can name one and it is the paradise that my happy butt is going to move to.

More and more of the people I work with, who are near my age are saying the same thing.  It's time to leave, go someplace else and live will we can.  What we are doing now is not why we entered into healthcare in the first place and worse, it is not getting any better.  The personel mix is changing rapidly and more of the faces I see are young and have little if any experience in their chosen field.  More of the doctors are recently graduates and they too have little experience but they are the only ones that will work for the wages and location offered.  I guess that's all you can hope for when you graduate at the bottom of your class.  Remember that the medical school graduate with the lost grade point average is still called Doctor!

Just two more days and I can kiss this shithole Goodbye for two whole weeks.  Maybe I'll setup the hammock cam so everyone can see how much it sucks not to be me.

Living NO in the NOT moment CAN'T!

No, Not, Can't.  These are all words that we hear today from the gubment, our senior leadership (i.e. manangement) and sometimes spouses.  To me, these are words of the defeated.  I refuse to be defeated or admit defeat at the hands of morons.  When I have the ability to try, to reach farther, higher and still draw breath then I am still in charge of me.  I refuse to subject myself to those who refuse to see anything other than their own personal gain in everything around them.  To those I say, you live by the sword, you perish by the sword.  In short I have had it with the current state of life we call living here.  Catch me if you can and even if you do..."INVICTUS".

I was woke up at midnight by the night tech, who not looking before dialing called me and then realized their mistake.  So, now awake and then I get to go back to sleep.  All for a paltry few shekles an hour.  Still like your healthcare leaders?  I don't and I don't care who knows.  Our healthcare has become a gross bastardization of capitalised socialistic parasiticism.  It's all for the profit of those in charge, delivered by those who actually do the work and sucks the life from the paychecks of everyone who pays the bills or taxes.  Still like your healthcare?  Given that the gubment just surveyed the facility and found "very few" issues in a facility that none of us would go to speaks volumes as to the surveyors credibility.  It's all a huge hoax and no one wants to believe that our system is no better than many third world countries.  Yet we are the most expensive healthcare delivery system in the world!  Face facts folks, we suck!  It's getting worse and you all will probably stay right where you're at now without exploring the options before they disappear.

I will live you a thought...

Brainage Shrinkage

Another visit to my shrink and while I don't feel physically better, courtesy of my current pestilence, I do know I'm not crazy.  Having heard several anonamous stories of the clueless people who should be removed from the gene pool.

I am not sure who shared their germs with me but they should be boiled in Lysol for the good of humanity.  Hopefully I will kick this crap and not pass it on to the spousal unit.  I actually feel a little better than I did this morning.  When I rolled out of bed I could have crawled into a coffin and it would have been alright.  Thank God for better chemistry...i.e. drugs.

Though I'm on call this weekend, I will make it through.  Then it's four short days and I am out of here.

Since my Give-A-Shitter quick working some time ago, my return date is still up for debate.

Frontal Lobotomy or A Bottle In Front of Me?

Another week of dread and terminal exhaustion.  All before having set the first foot inside the mine.  After the spousal units' weekend and having to deal with much the same as I do daily, she too is ready to fold up the tent and head south.  It is difficult to continue doing what we do for the company we do it for.  The mantra has always been that we are there for the patients, well that is partly true.  The whole truth is that everyone working in healthcare is there for the money.  Take the money away and even the most adamantly mission oriented savant will be forced to look elsewhere.  I just love it when the altruistic crap gets lofted into the air, proclaimed from banners and then trampled under the feet of corporate finanial concerns.  I have often found that the bigger the lie, more preparation and work is required to sell it.

The other day the spouse required a new mobile phone.  Not that the old one quit working, just that the new one did the same thing(s) in prettier clothing.  In the midst of the transaction, I was asked about "upgrading" my phone as I have had it for many years now.  I declined as the mobile I now have does everything I need it to do and does so in a very small, lite weight package.  I then floated the idea of doing away with the home phone and letting the Tick become responsible for their mobile as well.  That little move would save me approximately five hundred per year.  The idea was met with a marked silence as I knew it would.  The trick to the matter is the saving of money.  That is a concept that the spousal unit is forced by their own conscience to deal with.  I just love it when needs are pitted in battle against wants.  Try it sometime and watch people literally screw themselves into the ground.

I will leave you now with a photo and a question.  Don't I remind you of me?

The end of the beginning

Well, we finally have a meeting scheduled with the people who matter during our upcoming trip.  At last I am able to say that I have more than an average chance of giving the flying fickle finger to the managers of the Pope's rectum.  Let us not forget that there is actually a vacation planned to coincide with this blessed event.  Beaches, whales, snorkeling, thermal bathes and an ocean breeze twenty-four seven for two whole weeks.  No Tick or significant other to have a sudden "need" and no mining of turds.  When questioned about how long we will be there I always answer the return portion with "if".  The reaction is worth the price and it will be even better "if" I can come home, write a letter of intent to leave their employment, pack my crap and beep beep my arse out of here.

It finally has rained, for two days now it has been manna from heaven.  Hopefully it won't forget to do it more often.  Where I'm headed it rains almost every day.  I'll let you know how the rest of the week turns out.

The spousal unit got a phone call last evening, another useless piece of crap that will be here when we've packed and left.  I just love the thought of the mines dealing with those worthless lumps of pond scum taking over and doing what we do.  My advice to you all is to avoid healthcare if at all possible.  This new crop of healthcare heros is not worth two shits and a bucket of warm spit.